Handling Grief (Ahadith 1071 - 1072)


Bismillah.
Volume 2, Book 23, Number 372:
Narrated Anas bin Malik:
The Prophet passed by a woman who was weeping beside a grave. He told her to fear Allah and be patient. She said to him, "Go away, for you have not been afflicted with a calamity like mine." And she did not recognize him. Then she was informed that he was the Prophet. So she went to the house of the Prophet and there she did not find any guard. Then she said to him, "I did not recognize you." He said, "Verily, the patience is at the first stroke of a calamity."
Yeah, re-read that last line and memorize it!
Volume 2, Book 23, Number 373:
Narrated Usama bin Zaid:
The daughter of the Prophet (p.b.u.h) sent (a messenger) to the Prophet requesting him to come as her child was dying (or was gasping), but the Prophet returned the messenger and told him to convey his greeting to her and say: "Whatever Allah takes is for Him and whatever He gives, is for Him, and everything with Him has a limited fixed term (in this world) and so she should be patient and hope for Allah's reward." She again sent for him, swearing that he should come. The Prophet got up, and so did Sad bin 'Ubada, Muadh bin Jabal, Ubai bin Ka'b, Zaid bin Thabit and some other men. The child was brought to Allah's Apostle while his breath was disturbed in his chest (the sub-narrator thinks that Usama added: ) as if it was a leather water-skin. On that the eyes of the Prophet (p.b.u.h) started shedding tears. Sad said, "O Allah's Apostle! What is this?" He replied, "It is mercy which Allah has lodged in the hearts of His slaves, and Allah is merciful only to those of His slaves who are merciful (to others).
Imagine a grandfather saying that about his grandchild:
Whatever Allah takes is for Him and whatever He gives, is for Him, and everything with Him has a limited fixed term (in this world) and so she should be patient and hope for Allah's reward.
Does it mean he didn't love the kid? Does it mean he didn't care for him/her? No, it simply means he was being realistic. He wanted his daughter to be patient when the calamity strikes, i.e., when the child dies. She should remember the reward that Allah has promised on being patient.
And yet, when he took the child in his own hands, his eyes began to tear up. And now the companion asks him why he's crying when he was telling his daughter to be patient just a while ago? And he tells him it's mercy. Allah has put mercy in our hearts so we feel the pain of others.
Point is, it's not wrong to cry while going through a tough situation. It's our tongue and other body parts that we need to hold back. Not saying anything that denotes ungratefulness and not doing anything of the sort. THAT's patience.
Wassalam.